Magickal Experiments

Two important role models, I have as an occult practitioner, are Shiva and Dolama Mantas (an ascetic yogi). Shiva was known to always be meditating in graveyards or caves and Dolama is an ascetic whom for long periods of time lived in the wilderness as a mysticis. Both individuals live a very harsh life and no doubt had to go through challenges to live in such a way.

Dolama Mantas

Well, for a time, I thought I was moderately capable to live in such harsh circumstances. When I was younger, I considered renouncing all my possessions and becoming a wandering, homeless ascetic. Suffice to say, I recently had the "opportunity" to live for a very short time in a similar way and....well it taught me a lot about myself.    

Yet first, let me backtrack to the start, I'd been renting out from this lady for about 3-4 years and while there had been some ups and downs, everything was stable. That being said, about a year ago, in a divination session I predicted that there was going to be a transition in my housing situation this past February and that there was nothing I could do to stop it....it was a "forced" transition. Immediately upon seeing this difficulty on the horizon, I began to work with Ganesha almost a year in advance to make the transition as "smooth" as possible. 

Fast forward to today, in my naivete, because of the Soul Surgery I did in January, it felt as if things had shifted  dramatically......so much that the energy and atmosphere around the "transition" had transformed and it would no longer be a "forced move". So here I am, relaxing, sleeping soundly in my humble rental, when I'm awoken by the landlord at 2am and told that I'm being evicted and need to pack up my stuff and leave. Holy gobbly gook, motherfucking shit! Within an hour, I pack up all my stuff, pay what I owe for the past few days and I'm out on the street.....flying by Ganesha's assistance and my fat ass navigating the hard concrete and cold desert wind.

To be fair....when your doing a lot hardcore magick....life tends to get "interesting" and I'd recently been doing shapeshifting work, that may have put the transition back on the table.....not sure......parsing the dynamics of this situation and separating my own bias....is difficult. 

But suffice to say, I'm out on the street, walking with my sole bag, and feeling the "pressure" of society bearing down. I have become the Nadir, a homeless bum...the lowest of the low and my whole mind and emotions are shattering under the weight. The fact that I couldn't bear the weight of the vagabond without breaking.....really got to me.....my great mentors and idols, Shiva, is OG Ascetic....I'm not living up to his or Dolama's skill....I was to weak to endure there path. 

Having this realization of inferiority got me good.....so I evoked Shiva, had a conversation and asked him to help me have his "Strength" to endure all the trials of the Vagabond Ascetic. Twas an interesting talk....basically he told me that I needed to "Step Outside my Humanity" in order to bear this burden better. For example....as a human....I'm on team human, but what if I had all my memories of all my different incarnations in different forms (Trees, Pig, Fish, Fly.....etc), would I be so "married" to humanity and prioritize this race or would I see it as a single species among the vast cosmos of Beings? Anyways, Shiva said I would have to do some serious 3rd Eye work with him to "Step Outside" and this would have consequences for my relationships with those I love (family) and that the quality of my love for them would change. 

Despite my misgivings about these changes in relationships.....I went for it and Shiva deeply pierced my 3rd Eye with his Trident. At first, everything was fine and and went to sleep on a bench in the park. Then......shit got real........I woke up in a completely delirious and confused state....I didn't know where I was, I could barely remember who I was or grasp any concept about the world. I vividly recall trying to remember the very basic idea of money and my mind couldn't process it at all. At first, I thought I slept wrong and somehow I cut off oxygen to my brain and was going "brain dead"....but then I started doing deep breathing and it didn't fix the symptoms. Sleep paralysis, being the most apt comparison to this experience.  

After a few minutes, I made the connection between, this traumatic experience and Shiva. I looked inward and saw that my Mental/Celestial Plane was completely shattered and there was a "white fog" covering the mind. Entire "Black Walls" that had been covering up the deeper dimension of my internal psychic matrix, were shattered, struggling to integrate and the quality of my Mind Qi had gone up significantly. 

In order to accelerate the integration, I took off my shoes, went to put my barefeet on the earth, allowed all the excess energy to spill out of my system and my Mind gradually calmed. It took about 1hr of allowing my channels to connect to the earth, before my system settled and I could think clearly again. What a mind fuck, literally. Wooo baby.....Shiva uses no lube. This was experience was not as traumatic or scary as the Golden Dragon blog experience......but it was getting up there. 

A few hours afterwards.....I was good and the unbearable social pressures I was feeling dissipated. Shiva's the Goat. 

Ganesha Transition

With regards to the transition....ended up having to wander the streets for 2 days....but the whole time I worked with Ganesha. As usual, Elephant Boy came through, a family member scooped me up and now I'm gonna stay with them for awhile till I can find a new place. What a mind fuck these last few days have been, but I learned a bit. Keep on trucking.